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Authentically You

Uncategorized Sep 06, 2017

Are you being TRUE to YOU?

Living as your authentic self is scary stuff.

Hiding your true self behind a well constructed mask made up of the ‘right’ thing to wear, the ‘right’ makeup, the ‘right’ tone of voice, the ‘right’ friends, the ‘right’ job, the ‘right’ hobbies, the ‘right’ impression can be utterly exhausting emotionally and physically.
 
What happens if you slip up and the true you shines through?
Will your ‘right’ friends still want to be around you? Will the ‘right’ job still see you as the ideal fit?

What happens when you dare to put the mask down and live authentically?

Growing up, I was constantly being ‘corrected’ to become the person others wanted me to be. To say the things they wanted me to say, to have the reaction they wanted me to have, to enjoy the activities they wanted me to enjoy.

Back then, my nickname should have been Silly Putty.  I allowed anyone to shape and mold me into their ‘IDEAL’ for me.

This was not only true for my parents, sibling and friends, but even MORE true of the men I dated.

I was SO eager for any man to love me and feel accepted that I allowed EVERY man to shape me into his ‘ideal’ girl.

I would adopt ALL of his hobbies so he would find me interesting, I would stop watching the type of shows or movies I enjoyed and only watch what HE enjoyed. I would read the books he read, cheer for HIS sports team and not my own. (or give up sports entirely if he wasn’t into it.)

He would choose where we ate and what I ate. He would choose what I wore and how I styled my hair.

I was HAPPY to do it, because it made me lovable…..didn’t it?

Failed relationship, after failed relationship, I would keep repeating the same behavior of giving up who I was in exchange for what the man I was dating wanted me to be. It was exhausting.

I did have a few really good 'results' with men who fell deep in love with the persona I was living and wanted to spend their lives with me.  At that point, I would FREAK OUT and act like a caged lion and do whatever it took to get out of the relationship.

He was in love with a persona and not ME.

It HAD to be the persona he loved, nobody could love the real me.

God forbid he ever actually meet the REAL me.  HE WOULD HATE ME!

There was NO doubt in my mind that the real me MUST be a no-good monster.  Everyone was trying to change who I was and tell me how I should act and talk since birth.

He was in love with a persona and not me.

Then my BIG SHIFT happened.

My mom passed away.

My mom, like most mom’s, was my biggest cheerleader, my biggest fan, the one who always picked me up when I was down. In one of our visits, she asked me to give up my profession of fundraising for non-profits. Her words truly confused me at the time, but have since begun to make since.

She asked me to STOP working in a field that didn’t appreciate my time, talents and treasures. She asked that I PIVOT and embrace the essence of her little ‘people mover’.

I didn’t get what she meant. Not for a long time...

As the youngest of 4 kids, I was great at finding ways to entertain myself.  My siblings were all ‘old enough’ to do things and I got left behind. A LOT.

I greatly enjoyed ‘bantering’ with my toys and helping my toy (be it my ‘little people’, teddy bears, dolls or care bears) figure out where their next adventure would be.

Did they want to be taken for a ride or would they prefer to stroll on their own. Would they prefer to conquer or merely be a bystander. Did they have the right items packed in their bag for whatever they needed for their adventure?

I wasn’t merely out to move my ‘friends’ from Point A to Point B, I was on a mission to figure out precisely where THEY wanted to go, what they would need to have along for the ride and making sure they had the required skills to make it happen.

I was their push power to make them go; be it in the strollers, cars, boats, trains or magic blankets. It was me who made sure they made it to THEIR desired destination.

When my mom first asked me to give up working in non-profits, I agreed.  Immediately.

Then I floundered. (embarrassingly, I floundered for over 6 years.)

I worked in professions that were not a good fit, I did lots of ‘side gigs’ to cover my bills and did whatever it took to allow me the time and flexibility to fix what was not working in ME.

…and then I got it.

It was through these rough 6 years that I struggled with who I am versus who the world wanted me to be. I embraced the knowledge that I was created to stand out and NOT be like everyone else.

I began to embrace my unique talents, gifts and treasures.

I am now embracing the ‘essence’ of my mother’s little ‘people mover’.

...and no, I didn’t become a bus driver.

I put my talents, treasures and gifts to use helping those who are struggling with the journey I had been through in those rough 6 years.

I move women from being stuck in a trench dug out of the wants that ‘everybody wants me to be’ to scaling over everyone else’s expectations and triumphantly gliding into their next adventure in life while honoring and embracing their true, authentic self.

It took me until I was in my 40’s to FULLY recognize, accept, transition into and live as my authentic self.

How long will it take YOU to live authentically?

Does this resonate with you?

Here is a fun little game to play with yourself. Over the course of the next week, mentally RATE each thing you do.

Assign each item you do in your day to one of these categories:

  • I love it.(it makes me smile, feeds my soul, makes my heart sing or truly makes me happy)
  • I find fulfillment in it
  • Life necessity.(things like paying bills, doing dishes, cleaning house go here)
  • Caretaker responsibilities (caring for children, aging parents, etc)
  • I tolerate it (to spend time with someone else, for health reasons, etc)
  • Obligation  (who and why made this an obligation?)
  • I hate it

If you don’t have at LEAST one item in the ‘I love it’ AND ‘I find fulfillment in it’ category, perhaps it is time for you to begin a quest to uncovering your authentic self with the help of our transition experts.

What one step can you take today to begin living MORE authentically?

Interested in learning what it would be like to work with Katy as your coach?  Begin the application process by clicking here.  If there is a potential fit, each applicant will receive a complimentary Discovery Session to determine if we are fit to work together.

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